December 18, 2025
I have had the idea to write a blog on perfectionism for several weeks now, but every time I opened my laptop, I stared at a blank page for a few minutes and gave up.
Perfectionism is a common experience for neurodivergent people, especially high masking and late-diagnosed adults. It can show up in so many ways, such as redoing tasks multiple times, rehearsing conversations before having them, replaying conversations afterwards, or just avoiding things altogether. That is why perfectionism can play such a huge role in procrastination too!
While this isn’t necessarily a blog about procrastination, it is important to talk about it within the context of perfectionism. Oftentimes, people see procrastination as laziness, but for us neurospicy folks, procrastination is usually a result of difficulties with transitions or task paralysis (the inability to start a task despite wanting to). You may be questioning the validity of “task paralysis” because how can someone continue avoiding a task despite wanting to do it? The answer… Perfectionism!
Writing this blog is a prime example of how task paralysis impacts neurodivergent people. I have been so excited about the idea of writing this blog, but when I tried to start, I felt frozen and like my brain went completely blank. It was so frustrating because I was motivated to write this blog and really wanted the task off my to-do list, but I was stuck. I realized that I was stuck because I was so worried about writing the right information that would resonate with readers that it kept me from starting.
As a result, I have been trying to welcome imperfections in my life to help me write this blog. Instead of obsessing over straight creases and tight wrapping, I’ve been working on tolerating imperfectly wrapped presents. Instead of obsessing over social media posts or e-mail graphics and continuously making small adjustments, I’ve been trying to create them, do a quick review, and then post.
None of this is to say welcoming imperfection is easy or comes without it’s consequences (i.e., messing up the coupon I sent out to my mailing list), but it has helped to shift my perspective on what really needs to be perfect and what is “passable” and still looks great to others even if it’s not perfect to me.
By no means have I let go of this perfectionist mentality, but I did want to offer some tips and tools that have been helping me accept imperfections recently.
1. Reflect on Why This Item/Task Needs to be Perfect
When you find yourself in a state of task paralysis or feeling the stress of completing your task perfectly, take a second to reflect on why this feeling may be coming up. Common reasons for me are: not wanting to let others down, the task is aligned to something important to me or my values, I don’t want others to think less of me because this thing isn’t perfect, I don’t want to be wasteful by having to do something again, or I am worried about looking foolish or dumb.
Understanding why you feel like this particular task or item needs to be perfect can help determine whether it truly does need to be perfect, and honestly, I’m finding many things don’t need to be.
Here are some example questions that may help determine if the item/task needs to be perfect.
Why is it important for this to be perfect?
Who is negatively impacted if it’s not perfect?
Will it still meet the requirements even if it’s not perfect?
What will likely happen if this is not perfect?
It can be very easy to catastrophize the situation when answering the questions, so please remember to be gentle with yourself and answer what will likely happen and not the worst that could happen.
I can offer some examples for how these questions may play out.
Example 1: Cleaning the House Before Guests Arrive
- It feels important for my house to look perfectly clean and organized because I don’t want others to think I am dirty or messy.
- Unless I have something hazardous or in the way, there really isn’t a negative impact.
- No one is going to intensely inspect my house, and if they do, that’s on them. Again, as long as there are no safety concerns, then the “requirements” are met.
- Again, people will likely not inspect the cleanliness of my home or comment on it, and if they do comment negatively, then that’s on them. Plus, chances are I am going to clean again after company leaves, so I can always go back to the things I missed.
Example 2: Wrapping Presents
- It feels important for them to look perfect becasue I want to show others that I took care in wrapping their gift. If I dig really deep, I recognize I am also proud of how I wrap presents and want others to see that.
- No one will be negatively impacted if the wrapping is not perfect.
- There really are no “requirements” for gift wrapping, but at the end of the day, I really only care that the person cannot see their gift before opening it. This can happen without the gift being perfectly wrapped.
- Likely, no one will comment on the wrapping even if it is perfect. People probably will not care about how it is wrapped or notice whether it is perfect or not.
There are many more examples I could add here, but the main point is that most tasks or items require perfection. It is okay for things to be good enough, and it can still be our best work even if there are imperfections.
2. Practice Allowing Imperfections with Low-Risk Tasks
It would probably be incredibly hard to jump into tolerating imperfections by practicing on something that feels like there are high-stakes, such as tasks for school or work. However, there are many little things we do throughout that day that are low-stakes and can be easier to test out allowing imperfections on.
Everyone’s definition of a low-risk item/task will be different, but I have been defining them as tasks/items that may only affect me or minimally affect others. Some examples of low-risk items/tasks for me are: cleaning, creating posts for social media or graphics for e-mails, texting (the ability to edit messages after sending them has been so nice), engaging in special interestes, cooking, etc.
Other examples could be:
Folding clothes
Small talk or easy-going conversations
Scheduling plans, meals, work tasks, etc.
Responding to e-mails
Matching an outfit for the day
Self-care/Hygiene tasks (e.g., brushing teeth, washing face, painting your nails, meditating)
Exercising
While there may be some awkward or slightly negative impacts of imperfections in these tasks, they won’t upend my life if I make some mistakes. Maybe I have to send a follow up e-mail, scrap the food I made, or restart a craft project. It defintely feels unfortunate to waste food or materials because of a mistake, but that does not define who we are, which brings me to my next point…
3. Be Kind to Yourself!
It can feel really bad or upsetting to make mistakes, especially if it impacts yourself or others, but mistakes can mainly be fixed. By beating ourselves up over mistakes and imperfections, we aren’t fixing the situation. We are just making ourselves feel worse. Believe me. I know how easy it is to fall into the self-criticism spiral and how difficult it is to avoid it, but that’s why it’s that much more important to try to regulate our nervous system and make a plan for moving forward.
Often times, perfectionism can come from a place where perfect was “safe” and imperfections were scary or “unsafe.” This can cause our bodies to become dysregulated and go into that fight or flight mode when mistakes occur, but how hard is it to try to make decisions when we’re dysregulated? For me, there are barely decisions made when I am regulated, so there is no way I can come to a logical solution when I’m dysregulated.
By taking the time to remind yourself that you are safe and regulating your body first instead of leaning into the panic and catastrophizing, you are allowing yourself to feel the discomft that comes from imperfections in a safe way and calmly think through solutions.
Here are some affirmations you can use or others can read to you to help regulate your nervous system after mistakes:
I am safe.
This mistake does not define me.
I can fix it.
I did the best I could, and a few mistakes does not change that.
This mistake/imperfection is disappointing, but the quality of my work is still good.
Mistakes give items character.
Making mistakes does lessen my value as a person.
I will get through this.
Final Thoughts
There may be more tips that you or someone more qualified than myself can offer, and the suggesstions in this blog do not replace any professional advice. I am tempted to spend more time researching and writing more tips, but in the spirit of tolerating imperfections, I will leave it at these 3 tips and accept that I have hit the time I allocated for writing this blog. If you have any additional tips you’d like for me to add, please feel free to send me an e-mail at egaeta@thementallyelsewhereclub.com or DM our social accounts. I am more than happy to add others’ ideas as an addendum to this post.
To wrap this up, though, please be kind to yourself whether you start trying to tolerate imperfections or when encoutering them in the wild. You are a wonderful person just doing their best, and you deserve grace for any mistakes or errors that occur.
By no means are we suggesting you have to work on tolerating imperfections. These tips are merely available if you want to try allowing mistakes and imperfections to exist, but again, do not supercede professional advice. If you do try, please note that this can be uncomfortable and cause distress. If you do not feel prepared to safely handle that distress, please do not try to tackle this on your own or until you feel ready to do so.
Thank you for being here, and I’d love to hear any tips that work for you! You are great and doing your best, and we are so proud of you!
